Hey,
I might as well get into it. A few weeks ago i blocked someone who meant quite a bit to me, we were once together but that doesnt matter, the thing is she has changed in many ways, ways that i that Momo couldnt. But i was wrong, it started very stupidly because she wouldnt tell me a name of a guy she liked, she thought it would hurt me, but was wrong because if someone draws something isnt that worse? I also wanted to know the name because i wanted to know who made her happy, and was going to say something like i hope ‘so and so, treats you well because you deserve it’. But it really ticked me off the way she was about the whole situation, it was like i was untrustworthy. And the only reason she told me was because she didnt want Tsukasa to say it to without me knowing. Which i respected her for, but then it went riddcouls when i didnt have a name, so she gave a nickname for him, and to me this nickname isnt the most flattering of names to get. And i wouldnt call it him because it sounded like i was bullying him by calling it.
But then a massive arguement happened, and alot of things were brought up about the fact i had listened to Kaworu about some of the things he said, and that Kuroba hated her so she would say things against. She played it so everyone was agaisnt her, i just asked her simply question he said, and obviously you cant question the new Momo. Thing is with that she got very personal about them both then attacked me with it, saying things such as ‘I know he isnt going anywhere in life, and you listen to him’. And much more that i couldnt go into detail about because they might read or not. I thought it was wrong, and the fact she thought i would listen to them over her pissed me off, because i asked her outright on it, she thought it was the wrong thing to do apparently and that i believed them. If i believed them why would i question it to her?
For a start of Kuroba hates me completely and i dont really understand why, but if she wishes to be like that then i cant change that. But Kaworu i have known for quite alot of time about a few years now since 2004. So i do listen to him, but i also know when to question on what he says. Tsukasa on the other hand is completley different, i would believe him in some respects, but he doesnt feel that way the same. I even have prove of Momo saying she doesnt trust him completley, and that she thinks he still likes her, because he use to listen to Kaworu alot maybe thats where she gets the idea from. But the point on that matter with this matter she has shown many sides – faces if you were to me and i wonder if the one she showed him, isnt the true one.
She was his first love though they never dated, and he was heartbroken when me and Momo started dating, and in honesty i dont understand why. She blocked on MSN, and blocked him for awhile, and the moment she unblocks him, which just happens to be the time i told her about a personal issue his family was going through, he immediatley jumps to her defense. I was going to say anything to him apart from the fact that i had blocked Momo, but she had already told him, and apparently ‘quite a bit actually’ that had happened in the arguement. This made me mad at them both more because i wanted to know exactly what and why she had said it to him because it was a personal thing between me and Momo. But he wouldnt tell me, showing his full trust in her again, and this really fucked me off because it had nothing to do with him what so ever, and i told him that, but he still wouldnt give. It didnt even concern him, but its not like she told him the fact she thinks everything she tells him gets reported back to kaworu. But he still got involved. When she blocked him, she said once it was forever, and yet that failed. And on multiple times she has said many things about him, things that werent in his best light. Some of the things Momo said to my mum about Tsukasa were degrading and in honesty could get him into alot of trouble if heard by the wrong people and taken the wrong way
Tsukasa really hurt me because through everything all the arguments we have and had, im still there for him, but its like a wall. Sometimes he mis-reads jokes, sometimes he gets too over emotional at things but thats the Tsukasa i know. When it comes to a Momo situation its so very different, he almost changes. I was told once that when i was gone he said that it felt like a few years ago, when it was just him, kaworu, momo. That hurt because he didnt say it to me, Momo did. So is there a side of him i don’t see too? And can he was made out to be quite cutting, conniving. Sometimes he has shown those sides to me, and it was new. But i always wonder now what they really do say. In there circle.
In mine and MoMo’s arguement an ex of mine was brought, she hurt me bad, and the things she said made images of certain events flash back. Horrible images. When Momo came to my house in January 2009, i asked her not to hurt me as much as my EX did, but she did, she hurt me more. The one thing i will say is though i never brought up all the things she did with her ‘Kaworu’.
After i this, i was sorted to have a break to gone christmas, but after speaking to my parents, i felt they were right and that i was cutting myself off from the other people i know. And i didnt deserve that and neither did i, i guess.
A thing upset too i guess its stupid, me and Tsukasa play a game called Aion, and we have Alts and whislt on our main characters we promised that on our alts we would level and party together, so when i logged back in to find he had already started i got a bit cross, not because he had, but because it was another promise broken by someone.
The day that Me and Momo argued she through alot in my face including her ‘illness that happens if someone goes on at her’. It wasnt the fact she said it, it was the fact she through an illness in my face when she has seen how bad mine could be, and that i would be one of those people. And i think that hurt also because of our past, and what we had planned. She also thought people had it in for her and i was like WTF.
I don’t really know what they think about me apart from Kuroba hates me lol. I fell like im the outsider on there little circle, and that the show me one side when there saying something different. Tsukasa has bought me some very nice gifts, but sometimes he does through them back in my face, i think its away of him trying to show his friendship or that he wants a well done. There great things but i really dont know what to think of it sometime, when Momo was here she even compared her stuff to his like it was a match between them. Goes back to the circle i guess.
Kaworu Kuroba Tsukasa Momo ———————————– The Outsider (Me)
I guess im going to get some flack, but thats all i can write, right now and my hands are killing me.
Anyways yay for Neniyle shes level 20 now.
——————————————————————–
Playing: Aion Tower Of Eternity
Reading: Twilight
Watching: 3 – Britney Spears
Music: The Veronicas Hook me Up.
Final Fantasy Insight
Kaworu
Tsukasa Kamiya
Soli is my new username.
soli [ˈsəʊlɪ]
adj & adv
(Music / Classical Music) Music (of a piece or passage) to be performed by or with soloists. ]
I don’t think the internet should be used like this. Not for broadcasting personal fights/issues between people. I’ve always thought of it as a form of connection. Whether you use a real name or a username people know us by it, by them.
I don’t understand why you wrote this blog post. Personal matters like this deserve to be written in a diary locked away from others eyes. Not broadcasted to the world.
I am happy or atleast trying to be. Even though I have my conflicts with some people, I’d like to think they are moving on aswell.
Griffin is his name. He will remain not apart of this situation.
Just remember, writting an entry like this can be done by others too. I don’t intend to write something similar but others may be different.
-Soli
People Already have Kahlia, and im not bothered, and i cant write things down here since you didnt find a lock and key. Not only that isnt saying to someone else on the net the issues a broadcast like you did with chris about the arguement and then when you were talking about what you and Kaworu did? That is the same isnt it? And look at your own blog because you use to do it alot. So has chris.
You should know though, which I forgot to mention earlier is that I deleted Kaworu. There is really no need for me to have him on my list because we aren’t close friends, and he has hurt me alot in the past. He remembers the past often, but sometimes holding on to the past you can’t see what a person is doing right now in the present.
I know I have. To be honest, I’m letting the past go. I’m not proud of it and I admit I need to apologize for the things I’ve done. If I don’t let it go I will be forever bound by it and live miserably.
I am no saint, but I’d like to think I’m making up for alot of my foolish mistakes NOW. I’m donating alot of my time to others now, and it probably won’t make up for the things I’ve done but at least I’m doing something positive.
“but its not like she told him the fact she thinks everything she tells him gets reported back to kaworu.”
We are in the same boat here Neo, Tsukasa has never tell me stuff related to kahlia.
I have got into arguments with him, because he cant keep my secrets, yet he kept hers.
—
“Kaworu Kuroba Tsukasa Momo ———————————– The Outsider (Me)”
Not really.
Tsukasa is too busy going for his Devanion armor to actually play with friends.
For him that armor is more important.
Kahlia deleted me, without even telling me as you told me.
Kuroba didnt even told me she was in Aion. She told Tsu though.
I had to guess her username. And when I did, I found out I had been block.
Just like she blocked me in GW to have “Tsukasa-only time.”
It’s more like:
Kuroba Tsukasa Momo ———————————– Kaworu | The Outsider (Me)”
There is a barrier between you and I, because you don’t give me the benefit of the doubt.
You see me as a part of their circle, when I’m not.
Tsu and kuroba had insult me greatly, yet they see it as soemthign I should just forgive.
And If I can’t, then it is because I’m an “ass”
Yes i already knew all about you deleting Kaworu, as did Chris, i dont see why you brought that up.
No-one is clinging to the past it was a blog entry and a reply to a comment you made, in which you also used threatning language implying because of what i wrote other people will start.
And another thing no-one really cares in honesty that your helping people NOW as you said because yet again it had nothing to do with the blog post or the reply. Its a way for you to make it seem your innocent again and are maniuplating what i wrote. It showed you in a bad light, and that comment you made your self in a good light. Im glad your helping people but that doesnt mean anything right now does it?
Im sorry Kaworu i didnt see it that way with you, i guess i should talk to you more often. I apologize, and next time i will give you benefit of the doubt i promise, but i was just going off what has happened and such.
I know I’m not 100% bad or good. What ever you think I am, continue to think it, to believe it. The person who knows me best at the end of each day is me, I am my best friend and worest enemy.
This will be my last comment. From today onwards, I will not look at your blog. I will not argue with you online either.
How can you argue with someone online when they dont speak to you? That doesnt make sense. You were the first one threatning in your first comment. And its not the end of the world. Im sure its not going to stop the world from spinning if you dont even look at my blog.